Love: Fathers and Sons

In the dramatic showdown of power between Yosef and his brothers, the fate of one of them - Binyomin - became the primary focus. Having personally guaranteed Binyomin's safe return home, Yehuda relentlessly expended every effort and made every argument and plea possible in order to free Binyomin from enslavement.

When appealing his fate, Yehuda pleaded: "If you do not let Binyomin return home, you will send my father's soul to the grave in sorrow..."

It would seem from Yehuda's presentation, that Binyomin was a tender, young boy, who still lived in his father's house. Yet, at the time of this episode, Binyomin was actually a grown man, married, and a father of ten sons. (Rashi, Bereshis, 43:29)

This being the case, Yehuda should have made a more powerful appeal, by invoking the sorrow of the young mother and ten children! Surely, the image of the large family in despair would elicit a more sympathetic judgement from the Second to the King. Why did Yehuda plea for Yosef to consider the father's sorrow instead?

The Kedushas Levi explains:

We naturally feel a stronger bond and greater love for the things we invest in, than for the things we receive freely. It follows, that the degree of love for the things we invest in is increased proportionate with the degree of selflessness expended in the process. 

The nature of the relationship between a child and parent is one where the parent is the giver and the child is the recipient. And there is no greater relationship of selfless giving to another, as that of a parent to a child.

Therefore, the love a child feels for the parent, although great, is not as great as the love a parent feels for the child. And the sorrow felt upon the loss of a parent R"L, although great, is not as great as the sorrow felt upon the loss of a child R"L.

True, the child lost someone in their life who provided them with support, guidance, security, etc. But, such things can, to some degree, be provided by someone else in the child's life. Hence, Yitzchok's finding comfort for his mother's passing when marrying Rivkah.

Conversely, the love a parent has for their child is based on the parent's selfless giving of themselves to their child. Such a love runs deeper and stronger than any other love, and can therefore never be replaced; a parent's sorrow for the loss of their child is thus the greatest sorrow that can be felt. The sorrow of an irreplaceable lost loved one. 

This explains why Yehuda pleaded with Yosef to consider the great sorrow and grief that Yakov would feel, would he lose Binyomin.

***

Invest in your relationships.

Love your children freely.

Give to your family selflessly.

May we merit the time when love and life will be everlasting, with the coming of Moshiach now!

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