Giving Your Child a Voice

When the Hagadda begins the answer to the Four Questions, it inserts אמר ר' אלעזר בן עזרי'ה... a general discussion about whether one is obligated to mention Yetzias Mitzrayim at night.

Now, of all nights, isn't the night of Pesach the one night in the year for which there surely is no disagreement as to this obligation? Why mention this discussion on Leil Haseder?

Actually, inasmuch as leaving one's personal Mitzrayim is a daily struggle, this discussion gives us the proper perspective on how to achieve this important objective – especially on the night of Pesach, during which the importance of the Jewish child is highlighted and celebrated.

To understand this, we must first accept the absolute necessity for the first and most basic requirement for true Yetzias Mitzrayim: the slave has to know that he is a slave and want to leave his slavery. Without this, even Moshe Rabbeinu cannot set him free!

Recommended

I am recommending an excellent class, "Positive Pesach," given by Mrs. Chaya Hinda Allen, of jpthink.com. Chaya Hinda focuses on using the power of our imagination to tap into Bitachon. Using our Bitachon, we open ourselves up to unbelievable possibilities. In this class, Chaya Hinda applies these principles towards a positive Pesach experience.

I have obtained permission to share the first 30 minutes of the class for free to my readers. Click here to download. 

Click here to buy the complete recording from Jpthink.com for only $10.

Responses vs. Answers

Over the last few days I found myself grappling with my feelings and thoughts about the tragedy that befell the Sassoon family last Shabbos…  How to make sense of what happened? What am I supposed to think? What does the Torah teach me about how to respond to tragedy? And finally, the most pressing of all, “Why!? How can Hashem do this?”

I was in a frenzy, looking for comfort, inspiration and insight… and I learned that I will never find an answer to that question. 

Furthermore, finding an answer, any answer, and even looking for one, may not be a good thing either.

What a Chutzpah!

As I was tidying up after Shabbos, I picked up my son’s Hachayol magazine and caught sight of the back page: The Gemara prophesizes, “In the generation before Moshiach, children will totally disregard the authority of their parents”; The Rebbe says that this time has already come, and that this trait can be utilized for Avodas Hashem – children turning the hearts of their parents toward Hashem (asking them to improve in their commitment to Torah and Mitzvos).

Upon further reflection, I realized that my children actually turn my heart toward Hashem in another way. When they challenge my authority and I remain centered around my purpose to serve Hashem, I will respond from a place of, "These are Hashem's children. What can I be doing better?" rather than, "Spoiled kids!"

This humbling introspection compels me to reevaluate my parenting skills and ultimately, my relationship with Hashem...

My Relationship with Hashem - How to Want

Now that I know about the importance of being Kind and Respectful in my relationship with Hashem, how do I create within myself the desire to serve Him?

How do I disengage myself from my Yetzer Hara, so that I can fulfill my purpose?

How do I awaken in myself a sense of humility, so that I can give to Hashem as He wants?

How do I לייג זיך אויף א זייט, set my ego aside…?

The approach is three-pronged: 

My Relationship with Hashem – What to Want

Of the many ideas Rabbi Manis Friedman shares about Marriage, there is one that I would like to dwell upon - “The Three Pillars of Marriage: Kindness, Respect, Sanctity”  - and draw a parallel to an existential part of our lives: our relationship with Hashem.

While Kindness - giving seems to be the most obvious pillar, it is not enough. There also needs to be Respect, oftentimes expressed in not giving. Rather, out of respect for the other, we limit, or refocus the scope of the giving, to be in line with what the other wants. For example, I have the humility to withhold giving that which I know my spouse does not want. 

Let us explore Kindness and Respect within the context of our relationship with Hashem – after all, Marriage is the human manifestation of our bond with Him.

A Re-centered Morning - Part 2

I admit. The walk to school is not usually what it should and can be. But on those mornings that I was able to prevail, the walk is just beautiful.

Boruch Hashem, the weather is warming up and the sidewalks are finally passable. Rather than fighting to secure their hats while battling the Empire wind tunnel, I can try to focus on bringing my children to school.

I am doing the walk anyway; I might as well try to make it meaningful.

Here are some “activities” to enhance the actual walk to school.

ושננתם... ובלכתך בדרך

A Re-centered Morning - Part 1

Last night, I attended a lecture by Rabbi Nissan Dovid Dubov. Here’s a take-home message I tried to apply this morning.

More often than not, my mornings are rushed as I shuffle my kids through the Modeh Anis, hair brushing, Brochos, boots and coats. I hurry to “see them off” so I could get on with my day.

This morning, however, I remembered how Rabbi Dubov glorified and exalted the role of a Jewish mother and her responsibility to the Chinuch and well-being of her family, and I tried to re-center myself around my true purpose.

Me, Myself and My Yetzer Hara

I have found the following exercise to be very helpful in developing a healthy self-image and remaining focused on my Tafkid. It revolves around differentiating between the real "Me" and the Yetzer Hara part of me.

The true "Me" wants Torah, Mitzvos, Hashem, and Shalom. The part of me that wants anything that clashes with the above is not "Me". It's my Yetzer Hara.

Once I acknowledge that, it is a lot easier to veer away from the tricks of the Yetzer Hara. 

Instead of saying “I want to play games on my phone...”, I make the distinction “My Yetzer Hara wants me to waste time, the real "Me" wants to serve Hashem now.”