Flawed to Perfection

We all give our best in parenting. We learn, we try, we fall... but we never give up. 

After all, they are our children...

Yet, at times, parents feel that their physical, emotional, or spiritual limitations hinder their ability to raise and nurture their children properly. In fact, some parents may not even be around (figuratively, or G-d forbid, literally) to be a continued, hands-on partner in their child’s Chinuch…

Are these children then doomed to fail? Do these children lose out? Will these children become “damaged”?

FREE! Heading Towards Happiness

Chaya Hinda Allen is giving a free class on Positive Thinking on Monday, May 4th at 2pm EST. Eliminate fear, worry and guilt, and experience real inner peace...

Life After Tzora'as

Having worked with the Chevra Kadisha in WWII, Reb Mendel Futerfas once remarked: Much like literal death, figurative death can also be classified as one who is surrounded by people, yet he does not engage them. He is completely oblivious to what is going on around him, and absorbed in his own self. He is disconnected from the world, and does not even connect with those who may be in the same condition as he is…

Such a person lacks the vitality and energy that defines a living being; such a person is truly dead.

In this light, we can understand the the Gemara’s listing the Metzora along with the blind, the poor and the childless – all of whom the Gemara considers “dead” even during their lifetime.

Of Trunks and Branches – Part 2

Per a recent comment on the previous post Of Trunks and Branches. 

A group of hikers was being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers realized that they had been travelling in circles.

"We're lost!" one of the hikers complained, "and you said you were the best guide in the United States..."

"I am," the guide answered, "but I think we may have wandered into Canada."

***

Chassidus speaks of four domains: Inanimate, Plant, Animal and Human. They differ from each other in appearance, nature, etc., yet share a common denominator: the laws that govern the nature and life of a specific domain, are tailored for the specific domain and the individual Tafkid of the beings in that domain.

Of Trunks and Branches

Two children were once looking up at the tree branches that stretched out overhead. They argued over the name of the tree to which the branches above belonged, later realizing that while the branches overlapped each other and may have seemed similar against the sky; their respective trunks were firmly rooted in different places on the ground.

The prevalence of the Torah’s truth, and the way it permeates the world Hashem created, makes it nearly impossible to explore the world without bumping into it.

As such, modern psychology and, Lehavdil, Torah may overlap at many junctures; many techniques and theories found in modern psychology mimic divine Truths and Mitzvos found in the Torah.

One can argue: what then is wrong with modern psychology? Shouldn’t a Jew be allowed to study it and apply (only) those techniques that are also found in the Torah?

The answer is in the trunk.

It Was Wrong For Me To Do That

We are all familiar with the common scenario where Child A wrongs Child B, and Mother steps in. She tells Child A how we’re supposed to act nicely, and then urges Child A to apologize and say “I’m sorry” to Child B. If Child A refuses, Mother takes the toy away or puts him in timeout until he will do so. Soon enough, Child A becomes “remorseful” and says The Words: “I’m sorry", after which he is allowed to continue playing as before.

Our primary tafkid as parents is to be involved in our children’s chinuch and, whenever necessary, to step in, discipline, acknowledge and encourage. Therefore we must be extremely mindful and aware of the subliminal messages we transmit and understand its impact on our children, especially into adulthood.

When we insist that a child say words that involve a feeling that they do not necessarily feel, we send a message: “You can say that you feel a certain way, even if you don’t, in order to get out of this unpleasant situation.” This is lying.

My Personal Exodus This Year

I worked, I planned, I hoped, I anticipated.

I was looking forward to a wonderful Seder. And indeed, we had a wonderful Seder, albeit in a very different way than I ever imagined. We had worked extra hard during the days leading up to Pesach, so it was quite calm BH on Erev Pesach, however, I was feeling a migraine gradually setting in. By the time the Seder began, it was in full force.

To appreciate my Exodus, I need to share with you how I would have reacted to such a situation in the past. I would have been angry, disillusioned and self-judging. “What’s the point of all the hard work if I can’t even enjoy the pinnacle of it all?” or, “Why does this ‘always’ happen?” or, “It’s my fault… I worked too hard and brought this upon myself. I always overdo it.” And so forth.

But this night was different…

I want to be free… Now what?

Granted, in order to disengage from my slave mentality, I need to identify the thoughts and feelings that hold me back from being a true, free servant of Hashem. 

I must also actually want to be free.

Now what?

Freedom Destination

I know that just outside the doors of this Mitzayim waits another Pharaoh, ready to enslave me. I must have a “freedom destination”, and start aligning my trajectory out of Mitzrayim in that direction, so that, on the way out of this Mitzrayim, I am not ensnared by the next Pharaoh...