Davening – the Descent

Dedicated in loving memory of Chaya Basha bas Chaim Dovber, whose first Yahrtzeit was today, 29 Iyar. 

One morning last week as I was about to Daven, I took note of the mess that needed my attention. I wondered if it would be a good idea to clean up a bit before Davening... In the end I decided I’ll just read the Hayom Yom, clean a little, and then I’ll Daven.

Hayom Yom 23 Iyar,

The beginning of one’s decline, R”L, is the lack of Avoda in Davening. Everything becomes dry and cold. Even a mitzvah performed by habit becomes burdensome. Everything is rushed. One loses the sense of pleasure in Torah-study. The atmosphere itself becomes crass. Needless to say, one is totally incapable of influencing others. 

I was completely awed by the sheer Divine Providence of this Hayom Yom, as I was just about to push off my davening for something else… It also set me thinking about my own Davening journey.

Sure, a mother who has young children at home has a different set of obligations when it comes to Davening. Yet, after reading this Hayom Yom I started to wonder if perhaps I took those “leniencies” a bit too far, and, rather than utilizing these leniencies to actually bolster my Davening and serving Hashem, I was using these leniencies as excuses to lessen my Davening.

In fact, I just had to look at my trajectory to realize where my actions were coming from… instead of my davening becoming focused, energized and more meaningful, it shrunk to almost non-existence…

I started to reflect on how the decline in Avodas Hatefilla may have also affected other areas in my Avoda as well, as described in the Hayom Yom. This is what I have found:

“Even a Mitzvah performed by habit becomes burdensome…” 

I recall a friend of mine once mentioning how she would think that she is too tired to lift her hand to kiss the Mezuzah every time she walks through a doorway… “But to lift my hands in wild gesticulations when I talk to my friends, I do have the energy?”

When I do not Daven properly, it is so easy for even “simple”, habitual Mitzvos to become burdensome.

Whereas, when I am connected to Hashem through Tefillah, the details become joyful. Every mitzvah really does feel like a gem that I don’t want to miss.

“Everything is rushed…”

Getting my children ready for school, mealtimes, bedtime, preparing for Shabbos… all of these potentially beautiful experiences become rushed. Life itself becomes rushed.

Whereas, when I am connected to Hashem through Tefillah, the present becomes real. I don’t need to rush. I don’t need to get anywhere. I cherish the beauty of the present Avodah.

“One loses the sense of pleasure in Torah-study…”

When I don’t daven properly, the Yetzer Hara becomes that much more powerful and is able to convince me out of learning. He makes everything else seem more important than learning. Cleaning, hobbies, talking on the phone, etc. all take precedence over learning Torah.

Whereas, when I am connected to Hashem through Tefillah, Torah learning actually becomes easy. I don’t have to force myself anymore to open a sefer.

“One is totally incapable of influencing others…”

Without connecting to Hashem properly through Davening, I decline to a stale, uninspired state of being. Needless to say, the last thing on my mind is any sort of Shlichus or Mivtzoyim.

Whereas, when I am connected to Hashem through Tefillah, I am capable of being a source of inspiration to others.

This Hayom Yom has been very humbling for me; seeing how strongly my Davening (or lack thereof) affected my Avoda. It was also very reassuring: the ascent will come through Davening as well! 

See Davening – the Ascent...